Synopsis

. . . To grieve well the loss of anyone or anything - a parent, a love, a child, an era, a home, a job . . .  takes attention and patience and courage. But many of us do not know how to grieve. We were never taught, and we don’t see examples of full-bodied grieving around us. Our culture favors the fast-food model of mourning - get over it quick and get back to work;  affix the bandage of “closure” and move on. 

Elizabeth Lesser, from “Broken Open - How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow”

I lost my mother a couple of years ago, after a long period of decline. When my Papa died before her I found our experience with the funeral industrial complex expensive, onerous, and creating more distress than solace. For some of us, traditional public funeral rites and mourning rituals are often generic, and don’t truly honor what was unique and special about our loved ones. The needs of funeral homes often supersede our natural rhythms of loss and mourning. We are lucky if we are given even three days leave from work, after which we are expected to keep busy and get back to normal. So for Maman I knew I needed to find better ways to mourn her. 

In my mourning, I became newly aware of how many others are also struggling with various kinds of grief, be it the loss of a person or something else that was important to them. Those of us grieving the loss of a pet, job, relationship, the state of the earth, or something else entirely have even fewer outlets for discussing and processing our experiences. This can leave us feeling like we are just going through the motions, and doesn’t help with the void in our hearts. Fortunately, some are finding a better way.

This project is for those of any religion, or no religious belief system at all. Its first phase will start by sharing via a website and social media some of the little rituals I am creating. I shall also highlight stories from others taking similar measures, focusing on ones that are quick and easy for anyone to do. In the second phase I will share what I’ve learned via a short documentary that will also further explore personalized grieving by interviewing those with expertise on the topic.

I strongly believe that there are many little things we all can do to find our own better pathway to mourn and heal from our losses. Doing so can empower us to take charge of the story of our grieving and make it more personal, meaningful, and comforting.